I don’t shy away from contact. I’m competitive. Growing up I got whistled for more fouls than
points scored. I’ve seen countless red
cards and even a few yellow flags that marched my team back 15 yards. Unfortunately, I didn’t leave my proclivity
for rough play in the locker room after the game. My tongue proved just as lethal of a weapon
as my forearms and elbows. I’m not
proud of this mind you (ok so I’m a little proud of my red card
collection). I could blame my
raising. I learned to fight hard and to
never give an inch, and that few things were too small to fight over. I made several teachers cry, a counselor and
principal cower in fear, and worked over a school board member after church (in
front of everybody). I cringe at some of
my battles.
These chaotic episodes would be like watching a car crash in
slow motion set to classical music. It
was simultaneously the best and worst parts of my nature coming out in a
cacophony of often stuttered stream of consciousness rant aimed at the offending
party. My greatest God given strengths
and most painful wounds of insecurity all on display in an avalanche; an avalanche
seeking victory over resolution; an avalanche indifferent to collateral damage. In short I would bring a cannon to a squirt
gun fight and be worried that there weren’t enough cannon balls and gun powder
nearby.
Looking back I would
still assert that I was generally in the “right” in many of the instances that immediately
come to mind. However, it took me into
adulthood to realize the proper role of conflict in life. In Doug’s previous post he mentioned the late
Dr. Charles Siburt. I too must credit
the much beloved church leader with teaching me the proper role of conflict in
life and in churches.
I guess that I expected to hear a very pacifist message from
Dr. Siburt. Rather, I learned that
conflict is healthy. I learned how to
fight (as in fight fair), and to actually structure the conflict so that it
leads to resolution. I learned to
believe the best in others, especially during conflict. I learned about constraining negative
behaviors during times of conflict. In
short, I thought I was going to get patted on the head and told to be a good
boy and NOT fight. Rather, Dr. Siburt
armed us with the tools to fight the battles that are worth fighting and to
fight them in such a way that the resolution leads to something better than just
winning a petty argument. I have not mastered
any of these things. But at least now I
know what I’m aiming for in terms of when to fight and how to fight.
I’ve been teaching through the Gospel of John. John begins his work with a lofty abstract
incarnation narrative, but the heart of John’s Gospel is Jesus engaging people. Many times these engagements can only be
described as confrontational. Jesus “crawls
up in your kitchen” so to speak. These
episodes are intense. They call names. They sling mud. They ask loaded questions (“Isn’t it true
that you are demon possessed and a Samaritan?”).
Rick Warren cancelled his presidential debate because of lack of
civility by the campaigns. Neither
candidate can even come close to the rhetoric between Jesus and the
Pharisees. Saddleback will not be
hosting a Jesus vs. Pharisees debate anytime soon.
John does not paint a Flannelgraph Jesus wagging a finger at
the Pharisees telling them to be nice. Jesus
calls the Pharisees “sons of Satan” and tells them they don’t know God. Jesus doesn’t stop with just religious leaders,
either. He brings up the elephant in the
room while talking with the woman at the well.
Jesus cares enough to confront.
After reading John, no wonder the Jews wanted Jesus
killed. He confronted in relentless barrages. Seemingly, after each episode half the people
are looking for rocks, but at least some are coming to a declaration of faith. I love this portrait of Jesus. More shades of Braveheart than Mr. Rogers,
closer to a fiery prophet than a non-descript vanilla news anchor. He’s that fiery college football coach that
makes you want to run through a wall. He’s
that military commander that soldiers figuratively and literally follow into
death. He’s not, moralizing. He’s provoking without being provocative,
antagonizing without being unnecessarily antagonistic. Jesus’ conflict is rooted in the relevant and
aims for transformation not Pyrrhic victory.
Much of my personal history is fighting about things that don’t matter
and trying to be right. That by
definition is a pretty shallow victory. Jesus
only fights about that which truly matters and surrenders any rhetorical
victories to the transformational work of the cross.
(*This is just a side note:
Some ministers demonstrate arrogance, insecurity and many other
neuroses during times of conflict. But
consider this: Many times the only time
a minister is confronted is when they are being fired or about to be fired. This is a very unhealthy dynamic. I want people in my life that will confront
me. I shouldn’t only hear
performance-based praise. I need personal accountability.*)
Conflict is a huge subject and in no way am I qualified to
write an exhaustive piece on conflict and scripture, but I do want to share
just a few bullet points:
1)
All healthy relationships involve disagreement
at some point. So, fight fair.
2)
Reasonably choose to believe the best about
others.
3)
See what you hit. Matthew 18:15-20 is our personal combat guide. Jesus forbids stealth sniper shots, air raid
bombings and anything that is not hand-to-hand combat. While playing football I learned to “see what
you hit.” Jesus says basically the same thing.
4)
“Judge not lest ye be judged.” Does not mean what many people think that it
means.
5)
It’s not our job to judge those outside the
church. But it doesn’t mean that in the
name of tolerance we should condone evil.
(1 Corinthians 5:9-10; Isaiah 5:20).
6)
It is our job to judge our own, but the goal is
salvation not punishment. (1 Corinthians 5:1-5; 12-13)
7)
Sometimes it’s just better to be wronged and
cheated than fight and be right. (1 Corinthians
6:7-8)
8)
Last but not least, be gentle. (Galatians 6:1)
So get out there and fight, fight, fight!
Fight Fair. Fight
when it matters. Only fight when the
Lord has called into battle under his banner.
