Fight! Fight! Fight!

I don’t shy away from contact.  I’m competitive.  Growing up I got whistled for more fouls than points scored.  I’ve seen countless red cards and even a few yellow flags that marched my team back 15 yards.  Unfortunately, I didn’t leave my proclivity for rough play in the locker room after the game.  My tongue proved just as lethal of a weapon as my forearms and elbows.   I’m not proud of this mind you (ok so I’m a little proud of my red card collection).  I could blame my raising.  I learned to fight hard and to never give an inch, and that few things were too small to fight over.  I made several teachers cry, a counselor and principal cower in fear, and worked over a school board member after church (in front of everybody).  I cringe at some of my battles.    

These chaotic episodes would be like watching a car crash in slow motion set to classical music.  It was simultaneously the best and worst parts of my nature coming out in a cacophony of often stuttered stream of consciousness rant aimed at the offending party.  My greatest God given strengths and most painful wounds of insecurity all on display in an avalanche; an avalanche seeking victory over resolution; an avalanche indifferent to collateral damage.  In short I would bring a cannon to a squirt gun fight and be worried that there weren’t enough cannon balls and gun powder nearby. 

 Looking back I would still assert that I was generally in the “right” in many of the instances that immediately come to mind.  However, it took me into adulthood to realize the proper role of conflict in life.  In Doug’s previous post he mentioned the late Dr. Charles Siburt.  I too must credit the much beloved church leader with teaching me the proper role of conflict in life and in churches. 

I guess that I expected to hear a very pacifist message from Dr. Siburt.  Rather, I learned that conflict is healthy.  I learned how to fight (as in fight fair), and to actually structure the conflict so that it leads to resolution.  I learned to believe the best in others, especially during conflict.  I learned about constraining negative behaviors during times of conflict.  In short, I thought I was going to get patted on the head and told to be a good boy and NOT fight.  Rather, Dr. Siburt armed us with the tools to fight the battles that are worth fighting and to fight them in such a way that the resolution leads to something better than just winning a petty argument.  I have not mastered any of these things.  But at least now I know what I’m aiming for in terms of when to fight and how to fight. 

I’ve been teaching through the Gospel of John.  John begins his work with a lofty abstract incarnation narrative, but the heart of John’s Gospel is Jesus engaging people.  Many times these engagements can only be described as confrontational.  Jesus “crawls up in your kitchen” so to speak.  These episodes are intense.  They call names.  They sling mud.  They ask loaded questions (“Isn’t it true that you are demon possessed and a Samaritan?”).  Rick Warren cancelled his presidential debate because of lack of civility by the campaigns.  Neither candidate can even come close to the rhetoric between Jesus and the Pharisees.  Saddleback will not be hosting a Jesus vs. Pharisees debate anytime soon.

John does not paint a Flannelgraph Jesus wagging a finger at the Pharisees telling them to be nice.  Jesus calls the Pharisees “sons of Satan” and tells them they don’t know God.  Jesus doesn’t stop with just religious leaders, either.  He brings up the elephant in the room while talking with the woman at the well.  Jesus cares enough to confront. 

After reading John, no wonder the Jews wanted Jesus killed.  He confronted in relentless barrages.  Seemingly, after each episode half the people are looking for rocks, but at least some are coming to a declaration of faith.  I love this portrait of Jesus.  More shades of Braveheart than Mr. Rogers, closer to a fiery prophet than a non-descript vanilla news anchor.  He’s that fiery college football coach that makes you want to run through a wall.  He’s that military commander that soldiers figuratively and literally follow into death.  He’s not, moralizing.  He’s provoking without being provocative, antagonizing without being unnecessarily antagonistic.  Jesus’ conflict is rooted in the relevant and aims for transformation not Pyrrhic victory.  Much of my personal history is fighting about things that don’t matter and trying to be right.  That by definition is a pretty shallow victory.  Jesus only fights about that which truly matters and surrenders any rhetorical victories to the transformational work of the cross. 

(*This is just a side note:  Some ministers demonstrate arrogance, insecurity and many other neuroses during times of conflict.  But consider this:  Many times the only time a minister is confronted is when they are being fired or about to be fired.  This is a very unhealthy dynamic.  I want people in my life that will confront me.  I shouldn’t only hear performance-based praise.  I need personal accountability.*) 

Conflict is a huge subject and in no way am I qualified to write an exhaustive piece on conflict and scripture, but I do want to share just a few bullet points:

1)      All healthy relationships involve disagreement at some point.  So, fight fair.

2)      Reasonably choose to believe the best about others.

3)      See what you hit.  Matthew 18:15-20  is our personal combat guide.  Jesus forbids stealth sniper shots, air raid bombings and anything that is not hand-to-hand combat.  While playing football I learned to “see what you hit.”  Jesus says basically the same thing.

4)      “Judge not lest ye be judged.”  Does not mean what many people think that it means.    

5)      It’s not our job to judge those outside the church.  But it doesn’t mean that in the name of tolerance we should condone evil.  (1 Corinthians 5:9-10; Isaiah 5:20).

6)      It is our job to judge our own, but the goal is salvation not punishment. (1 Corinthians 5:1-5; 12-13)

7)      Sometimes it’s just better to be wronged and cheated than fight and be right.  (1 Corinthians 6:7-8)

8)      Last but not least, be gentle.  (Galatians 6:1)

So get out there and fight, fight, fight!

Fight Fair.  Fight when it matters.  Only fight when the Lord has called into battle under his banner.