A Revolving Door In and Out of Ministry; But in a Good Way

I have a peculiar job.  I’m a paid professional youth minister.  Even now (after many years), saying it out loud feels unnatural.  Don’t get me wrong.  I love what I do.  I love TSCOC.  Most of all, I love my teens and their families.  But, I can never embrace the whole “youth minister” stereotype subculture.  I don’t play video games, make fart jokes, throw water balloons, or wear Rob Bell style spectacles.  OK, so I occasionally wisecrack about gestational gasses.  I have very few close friends within the profession and do not have a formal ministry education.

I never had a “career” youth minister as a teenager.  In high school we had men and women in the church that offered their time and attention.  They loved us and the really good ones challenged us and spoke to us like maturing Christians, not immature children.  I’ve never bought into the trope that I have to act like a teenager to relate to a teenager.  Because even when I was a teenager, I was atypical, so trying to act like a “typical” teenager in my 30’s would be insincere at best and cringe inducingly awkward at worse.

Some time ago I was proffered for my advice to an aspiring youth minister at LCU for an assignment.  I won’t reconstruct the advice in its entirety, but I will give you a brief outline of the advice I would give a YFM student. 

1)      Double Major (why spend 4 years of your life to get a degree with such limited employment opportunities at private school rates?  The world always needs engineers, programmers, teachers, and accountants.  In other words, learn to make tents a la the apostle Paul.

2)      Work your other (non-church) “tent-making” job first.  Jesus didn’t begin his public ministry until he was 30.  It’s not a rule, but it is a worthwhile principle to consider. 

3)      While you are “making tents,” volunteer to help at your local church.  Use your vacation time for youth trips, teach classes, etc…  Ease into the role of working with other ministers, parents, teenagers, and elders.  Learn to prepare a class series, back a trailer, and order pizza for a group; the really practical things you may not learn in the classroom.

4)      After 3-5 years of volunteering, maybe you have decided that you want to focus 100% of your professional attention on ministry.  Likely, you will be “drafted” by your congregation or some other congregation.  Either way, you are likely to have better options than a fresh grad sending out resumes to churches.

5)      Maintain your contacts and training as a “tent-maker.”  You never know when you may need them again.  I never want to be a 50 year old youth minister and I can’t preach a lick, so my clock is ticking as a professional youth minister.  However, I always want to be an asset to my local church, particularly the youth ministry. 

I don’t recommend full-time professional ministry for many people.  It’s harder than one may think.  John Knox, a wise mentor of mine, once made the comment, “If you can do anything else: do it.”  This wasn’t a statement of ability, but of passion.  I have known a small handful of people with the temperament and disposition for a full 40 year career in ministry.  These people are exceedingly rare.  It breaks my heart, but I am not one of them.  I can strongly recommend full-time ministry for a “season of life.”  There are far fewer people that I can foresee enjoying a healthy spiritual life after 40 years in full-time ministry.

If my observations are correct (that only a few ministers are built for the long haul), then this has many implications for the church.  Here are a few suggestions.

1)      Create a “tent-maker friendly” culture.  Sometimes staff can be territorial with their duties.  Be willing to consider dedicated tent-makers as “part and parcel” of your ministry other than when you need chairs moved or hot dogs served.  Have a culture that allows these individuals to sit in on staff meetings and have influence beyond that of less involved members.

2)      Be willing to hire less formally trained Christians that have an abundance of experience and ministry skills.  Today, we use academia to train ministry leaders.   The New Testament church used the local church and mentors as the training ground for up and coming young ministers.   As one with very little formal education in the area of ministry, I may be biased on this point.  I’m sure that I would have enhanced ministry skills by receiving a formal Christian education.  However, that lack of a completed formal education does not make me immediately less qualified to serve in my current position than every 22 year old-old clutching a freshly inked YFM degree from a Christian university.  At a summer camp this year of all the evening worship speakers, one had a ministry degree.  Every other speaker had formal training in other areas.  I found this to be both surprising and exciting. 

3)      Be willing to allow your ministers to gracefully exit out of full-time ministry.  As many likely are aware, I’m about one-third of the way through a master’s program that will eventually lead me out of full-time paid youth ministry.  We don’t intend to leave Hobbs or Taylor Street any time soon.  I attend classes very part time and do everything possible to not allow my future career to interfere with my present ministry.  More importantly, I look forward to the days when I can serve without any of the pressure that comes with being a “paid” employee.  I am very desirous of being a servant to another minister. 

In my dream world congregations would be populated with many ex-ministers or full-time ministers in training that are productively contributing to the work of the body.  Unfortunately, the stereotype of ex-ministers is that of being damaged, burned out, bitter, and angry.  Sadly, ministry careers almost always end badly and leave a once productive minister on the sidelines and a less-trusting and less-loving church in the wake.  Everyone loses. 

It’s nothing new to say this, but I have a strong desire to continue to erode the distinction between sacred and secular professions, both inside and outside the church walls.  I see it as an absolute economic anomaly that I actually get paid to do what I do.  My prayer is for a vibrant church culture with revolving doors in and out of full time ministry without the pain we typically associate with such career transitions.  Maybe, I’m naiveté.  Maybe I’m just projecting my personal ambitions onto the culture at large.  But, one way or another I’ll be an ex-minister someday (hopefully not too soon).  I intend to be a productive, happy, and encouraging church member.  We always need more of those.

The Chronic Divorcee

The chronic divorcee.  We probably picture about the same stereotype:  A middle aged, middle management schmuck with male pattern balding chasing coeds half his age at the hotel bar.  Or even more offensive to our overblown sense of decency:  the aging former runner-up beauty queen contestant with caked on makeup and dyed hair running through bank accounts and the collaterally damaged men attached to them.  Jesus has some pretty harsh words for those people in the Sermon on the Mount. 

“It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

Our pulpit minister, Doug Crum, recently preached on this topic (It’s about the Heart).  As I share many of Doug’s thoughts on this issue, I wish to use his thoughts as both a foundation and springboard for my own thoughts in this blog. 

Jesus uses 6 antithetical statements in this section:  “It has been said..... (murder, adultery, divorce, oaths, hate your enemies) but I say….  .“  Here is what I notice in virtually all of these statements:  Jesus begins with a moral code either found in the Old Testament or as interpreted by the rabbinic code of the day (Doug’s sermon has some great illustrations of the teaching of the day during Jesus' time on divorce).  In the second leg of the antithetical statement, Jesus does not refute the general principle found in the first leg of the statement; rather he extends the principle to include our inner character as well as our actions.  These antithetical statements begin with an overt act that most, if not all, would agree are wrong.  We all know that we shouldn’t murder, commit adultery, etc…  Jesus extends this moral code to encompass our hearts.  However, in Jesus’ comments on divorce, he breaks with this pattern.  He begins with an overt act (divorce) and then seemingly elevates the seriousness of the sin.  In the previous pattern he does not elevate the seriousness of the sin, but the gravity of the concept as applied inwardly.  Jesus is Lord.  I do not refute his teachings.  But, what if “happily married” Christians viewed this teaching on divorce through the same template as the previous antithetical statements?  

Let me explain.  Anger in the heart is as morally repugnant to God as murder. That anger exacts harm in our souls and damages our spiritual lives.  How many Christians chronically divorce their spouses inwardly?  I have.  We may feel neglected or slighted, so we turn down the thermostat towards our beloved.  We may become less attached or less available in many ways and slights like so many frozen raindrops on a windshield obscuring our vision and sabotaging our purpose build up over time.  The most common form this may take is that of a wife becoming too emotionally involved with rearing children and other domestic tasks.  Husbands are more likely to become overly invested in careers and hobbies, that their spouse becomes just another obligation in their life.  The marriage relationship was meant to be the primary relationship within the home.  Even (especially?) Christians may over indulge their children and over pursue careers and even hobbies related to Christian events and activities at the expense of their marriage. 

The Old Testament forbids divorce and remarriage to the same spouse after the parties have been married to others (Deuteronomy 24:1-4).  A revolving door of marriage and remarriage opens up the door for all sorts of unintended consequences.  Men may pursue a “quickie” weekend divorce before a business trip to Las Vegas, only to “remarry” their wife upon the close of the business conference.  The wife may be enticed to tolerate such a situation in the name of survival.  The man may even feel morally superior for dotting the I’s and crossing the T’s on the divorce certificate.

As an inward reality, the aforementioned career chasing male or over involved mommy, may be just as guilty of only “checking back in” to the marriage when it is expedient.  Let’s be honest men may “check back in” for sex and women are more likely to “check back in” for emotional support.

I believe that an inward divorce is just as abhorrent to our God as an outward divorce (same relationship as murder to anger).  I’ve never committed murder, but I’m guilty of murdering others with my anger.  I’m on my first marriage, but I’ve been guilty of emotional separation at various times in the last decade plus years.  We may take this lightly, until we remember the true purpose of marriage:  to demonstrate the relationship between Christ and His church (Ephesians 5:21-33).  This adds a whole new seriousness to my unfaithfulness in my marriage.  Even the “except for marital unfaithfulness clause” in Matthew 5:33 takes on a whole new dimension when viewed through this prism.  As the bride of Christ, we have all been unfaithful, even if for only a brief season.  He may choose to divorce us, but Christ keeps purifying us and taking back his adulterous bride.  I have never formally divorced my Savior, but I have cut him off from my life at various times.    

Jamie is chained to me in the bonds of holy matrimony.  This commitment is intended to propel us to greater purpose, intimacy, and affection.  However, the terrible unintended consequence of this arrangement is aloofness, punitive behavior, or flat out neglect.  “After all,” one may think, “she’ll still be there when I really need her.” 

I think that all divorce is a tragedy.  The divorce that takes place at the courthouse is just as heartbreaking as the tiny countless divorces that take place in the space between two married Christian souls across a meaningless hearth in a no longer warm home.